Note: This script takes place 8 years in the future. Bart is 18, Lisa is 16, Flora is 18, and Maggie is 9.
Cut to Simpsons TV room, HOMER is drinking beer, and watching TV.
TROY MCCLURE: <On TV> Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such movies as: Origami Archdukes IV, The Great Paper Shortage; and Return of the Coffee Babies!
HOMER: Boring!
HOMER starts flipping through the channels, which include pictures of: A motorcycle, the Trix rabbit, HOMER Strangling BART, A talking carrot {Possibly from Veggietales}, and a hospital room. As HOMER is flipping through, MAGGIE comes downstairs, and into TV room.
MAGGIE: Hey, Homer, you promised that you'd take me to the Krusty the Clown show today! We've got tickets, remember?
HOMER: Meh, I'll get around to it.
MAGGIE: It starts in an hour! We have to go now or else we'll miss it!
HOMER: Is a TV show really that important to you? Now, shut up, bowling for donuts is on.
Ball hitting pins is heard
HOMER: All right! A strike! That's 3 jelly fills!
MARGE: <Walks OS, carrying laundry basket> Homer! You said you were going to take her! You barely spend any time with the kids these days. Bart and Flora are going off to college in 2 weeks! At least you have 9 years before that happens with Maggie!
HOMER: But, Marge, an extra large cruller hangs in the balance!
MARGE: No buts! You're taking Maggie to see her little show!
Cut to Krustylu Studios, backstage
KRUSTY: Hey, let's hurry this up! My condor egg omelets are starting to burn!
SQUEAKY VOICED TEEN comes up with omelets
SQUEAKY VOICED TEEN: Here are your eggs, Mr. Krustofski.
KRUSTY knocks the dish out of SVT's hands.
KRUSTY: These eggs are to warm! They'll burn the roof of my mouth! What're you trying to do, kill me?
STAGE DIRECTOR: Krusty, you're on in 30 seconds.
KRUSTY: Oh, well. You! Put some new eggs in the frying pan, and have them ready by the time I'm done with the show!
SVT'S GIRLFRIEND: You're a screw up, you know that, don't you?
SQUEAKY VOICED TEEN: <Depressed> Yes, ma'am.
Cut to stage, the KRUSTY The clown theme music plays, KRUSTY is heard accidentally tripping, and he falls, and tears through the curtains.
KRUSTY: <Falling through curtains, then stumbling around caught in them> Son of a Oh, holy crap! I can't breathe! Get me out of this thing! Oh, sweet mother of...!
KRUSTY finally gets the curtains untangled from the curtains.
KRUSTY: That's better.
Audience is angry, but quiet.
KRUSTY: What? You've never seen a grown clown trip on stage curtains before? You people disgust me!
KRUSTY lights a cigarette, and starts walking offstage.
KRUSTY: Ugh, roll the cartoon.
KRUSTY walks Off Stage, a screen appears, them starting a Werker and Parasite cartoon.
KRUSTY: <Off Stage> No, not that one, you idiots! Everyone hates that show!
The WERKER and PARASITE cartoon screen: WERKER pulls out a hammer that says "Employee Incompetence", and hits PARASITE over the head with it. PARASITE pulls out a hammer that says "Hate Against employer" on it. He hits WERKER over the head with it.]
HOMER: Wow. It's like they've known me my whole life.
After cartoon, much later. Audience is apparently completely bored.
MAGGIE: Of all the days to see the show, why did we pick this one? I want a refund on these tickets.
Message suddenly appears onscreen: "No refunds." Audience groans.
KRUSTY: Sorry, folks, but Mr. Teeny needs the money for his leg surgery! The little guy can't even walk!
MR. TEENY walks onstage, and starts to eat a banana.
KRUSTY: You always have to ruin everything, don't you, you stupid monkey?!
KRUSTY chases MR. TEENY backstage, trying to strangle him.
HOMER: Can we go, now? My butt's really tired! I want the sweet cushiony feeling of the couch!
MAGGIE: One sec. I have to, uh, go to the bathroom
MAGGIE walks away.
MAGGIE: <Thinking> Sorry for lying dad, but what I'm about to do, has to be done.
Cut to backstage.
KRUSTY: Aw, crap! That was the worst show I ever had!
SIDESHOW MEL: Even worse than the one with Rosie O' Donnell?
KRUSTY: <Shudders> I stand corrected.
Cut to audience, HOMER is eating cotton candy.
MAGGIE: All done.
Cut to backstage
KRUSTY: I'm goin' to my dressing room.
KRUSTY opens the door, and a bucket of paint falls down, and douses him with it. The bucket falls on him, KRUSTY is screaming. He blindly walks out the stage's back door, and he falls into the nearby garbage truck. The garbage truck then leaves.
Cut to parking lot. MAGGIE and HOMER are getting into the car.
HOMER: You know what's weird? At the snack bar and Souvenir stand, they call cotton candy "Clown Hair". Oh, well. As long as it tastes good.
In the background, we see a bald SIDESHOW MEL getting into his car.
Cut back to house, BART is sitting on the couch, depressed.
BART: <Sigh> Man, I can't believe I'm actually leaving Springfield.
LISA: How did you get into college, anyway?
BART: One of the kids at Capital City University went crazy, so they wanted to fill the gap in their registration records.
LISA: Ah, I see.
BART: Can you leave me alone right now?
LISA: Um, Uh I guess. Sure.
LISA leaves.
BART: <To self> <Sigh"> So many good memories. I can't believe I'm leaving already. So many good memories of all the trouble I caused here. I can't do that in Capital City. They're too smart. I'd get caught. What am I going to do?
Cut to The Fizz.
Note: The Fizz Is where LISA, ALLISON, and JANEY currently hang out. It is a hamburger/Soda resturaunt.
JANEY: I'm so excited! There's only 2 weeks left of school!
<LISA and ALLISON look at JANEY with a confused look.>
JANEY: What? Even YOU to have to admit, 10th grade was pretty hard.
LISA and aLLISON start laughing
JANEY: Show offs.
LISA: <Takes drink of soda> You know, I'm going to a special Summer school soon. I'm going to learn how to write poetry!
ALLISON: Well, the waiter's coming. What kind of pizza do you want?
WAITER comes
WAITER: May I take your... Oh, you know how the line goes.
LISA: Cheese!
ALLISON: Mushrooms and green peppers!
JANEY: Sausage, ham, and pepperoni!
LISA and ALLISON glare at JANEY.
JANEY: Oh, right. Sorry.
WAITER: I'll be right back with them.
WAITER leaves, then comes back about 10 seconds later with the pizzas.
ALLISON: How did you get them that fast?
WAITER: By law, I'm not allowed to tell you.
Cut to kitchen, there is a big nuclear reactor, and we see pizzas going in, and the pizzas coming out seconds later, completely cooked, and glowing. The waiter blows on the pizza, and the glow blows off.
Cut to Simpsons driveway, HOMER and MAGGIE gut out of the car, HOMER has a chicken on his head, and JIM BELUSHI on the car's front bumper.
HOMER: Now, don't tell Marge what happened when she sees me, agreed?
MAGGIE: Agreed.
They walk inside the house.
MAGGIE: Mom! We're home!
BART: <OS> Mom went to the grocery store. She said she had an uncontrollable urge to make muffins.
Cut to BART's room, he is laying on his bed, depressed.
BART: I guess Springfield will never see another El Barto. There's just NOBODY that can live up to the standards I set! <Sigh> Well, there are few problems that can't be solved without countless hours of television.
BART turns on TV to news channel.
KENT BROCKMAN: Tonight on Eye On Springfield; The biggest toilet brush you've ever seen! And, the shame of Krusty!
BART: THIS should be good.
KENT BROCKMAN: First, it seems as through Krusty the Clown was victim of a joke himself today!
Cut to camera's footage
KENT BROCKMAN: <OS> The cameraman caught this footage of Krusty. [Cut to new footage] But, security cameras caught this of the little girl that set the prank. We can't tell who she is, but all we know is that, in fact, WAS somebody there.
BART: Hey, that looks like Maggie! I don't believe it!
Cut to MAGGIE's room, she is bouncing a tennis ball against the wall. BART walks in.
BART: Hi, Mags. I heard about what what you did.
MAGGIE: <Nervously> Uh, what are you talking about?
BART: What you did to Krusty.
MAGGIE: Please don't tell Mom and Homer!
BART: Why would I tell them? This is great!
MAGGIE: H h?
BART: I have something to tell you. You know that guy who vandalizes Springfield?
MAGGIE: You mean El Barto?
BART: Well, I am El Barto.
MAGGIE starts laughing
MAGGIE: Yeah, right, Bart! There's no way that you're him!
BART: You want me to give you proof?
Cut to BART's room.
BART: Now, don't tell anybody about this, okay?
BART opens his closet, and it reveals hundreds of spraypaint cans.
MAGGIE: Okay, I think I believe you now.
BART: Okay, I can get to the point, then. When I'm away at college, I won't be around to do this anymore. I need someone to take my place.
MAGGIE: Hold on. You want me to
BART: That's right. You will be the next El Barto.
BART hands MAGGIE a slingshot.
MAGGIE: Um, that's really nice, Bart, but I can't. I don't know what would happen if anyone finds out. I can't accept this.
BART: Come on! It's not like I can get Lisa to do it! She hates this sort of thing!
MAGGIE: I'm sorry.
MAGGIE leaves the room, she heads downstairs, and is about to go into the living room, but she hears MARGE and HOMER talking, she is listening from just past the wall.
HOMER: I can't believe it! While I was at that stupid show, I missed the annual pigskin classic football game! That Maggie, she made me promise to go! You know, sometimes I wish she was never born.
MAGGIE runs upstairs, crying, cut to BART's room, BART is still there, looking at the slingshot, MAGGIE storms in, very angry, and still crying.
MAGGIE: Give me the slingshot.
BART: Alright, but you know that this means you will have to
MAGGIE: GIVE ME THE DAMN SLINGSHOT!
BART: That's the spirit.
Cut to 11:00 that night, MAGGIE is standing outside with 2 cans of spraypaint, one in each hand, standing in front of her house, on BART's old skateboard.
MAGGIE: Look out, Springfield, there's a new vandal on the streets, and her name is...
MAGGIE spins paint cans around her fingers, then catches them
MAGGIE: ...LA MAGGIO!
Cut to next morning, LISA is about to leave to go to her poetry class.
MARGE: Just because you have your own car, doesn't mean you can drive however you want.
LISA: Don't worry, mom. I'll be fine.
HOMER: Lucky I was able to find you your own car!
Cut over to FLANDERS's garage
NED: Oh, my Lord! My new car! It's gone!
Cut back to Simpson house
MARGE: Homer, you didn't...
HOMER: You have no proof.
HOMER quickly takes a bumper sticker off the car that says, "Property of Ned Flanders", crumples it up, and throws it away.
HOMER: <Sarcastically> Gee, Ned. That's too bad.
NED: Oh, well! I can always collect from insurance, and buy a newer one! With the money I'll collect, I'll be able to buy a better one!
HOMER: <Under breath> Stupid Flanders.
FLORA: I'm sure dad is just wishing that you have a good first day at camp.
LISA: Okay. I guess I should go, now.
LISA backs the car out of the driveway, and waves goodbye to everybody.
Cut to highway, LISA is driving behind a slow moving Canyonero
LISA: Oh, come on! Move already!
Cut to reveal that GIL is driving the Canyonero, he is reading a brouchure.
GIL: Oh, wow! If I just pay an introductory of $50, I can get in on this get rich quick scheme! I can finally move out of my oven box, and into one of those newfangled refrigerator boxes! Oh, I can just feel that cardboard along my back right now!
Cut to LISA's camp, she just entered the main building
LISA: Hello, I'm here for the...
RECEPTIONIST: Down the hall, and to the left.
LISA: But I didn't even say where I was going.
RECEPTIONIST: There is only one class here, and It's been in the same place for 20 years. Down the hall, and to the left.
LISA: Uh, thanks, I guess.
Cut to classroom, the class is starting.
TEACHER: Now, everybody, quiet down... Okay, that's better. Hey, you! Yeah you, in the back, when I said quiet down, I MEAN shut up and listen! That's better. Now, I'd like everyone to get to know each other, so let's go around the room, and everyone will tell a little bit about themselves.
A guy stands up
FRANK: My name is Frank, and I spent 5 years in solitary confinement for mass murder, but then, a democrat was elected, and I was released. I decided to take up poetry to let out my anger; the pencils are nice and sharp.
A girl jumps up
JULIE: My name is Julie, and I'm really, really, really happy to be here! I'm extra hyper today! I had a whole gallon of concentrated caffiene! YayYayYayYay!
LISA stands up
LISA: My name is Lisa Simpson, and I'm here because I like to write.
A guy slowly stands up, but remains silent
TEACHER: Can you tell us about yourself?
SOME GUY: Sure.
TEACHER: Like, maybe, your name?
SOME GUY: Langdon.
LISA: <Thinking> Now, where have I heard that name before?
LISA'S BRAIN: Don't ask me. You're in a poetry class; I'm on break.
TEACHER: And your last name?
SOME GUY: Alger.
LISA: <To Self> Oh, My God...
TEACHER: Well, we will be lucky if we ever get more than one word out of you... Oops, it looks like someone left the door open. Can you get that, Langdon?
Note: From this point on, "Some Guy" will be called "Langdon".
LANGDON: No.
Cut to Simpsons house, MAGGIE's room
MAGGIE: <Giggles> That was so fun! Who knew you could do so much with a can of spraypaint?
Cut to in front of PRINCIPAL SKINNER's house, SKINNER is trying to open his car door
AGNES: <OS> Seymour! Quit slacking, and go get my bunion ointment!
SKINNER: I'm trying, Mother, but I can't get the door open! There's dryed paint all over the door frame!
Cut back to MAGGIE's room
MAGGIE: Heh, heh, that was great. I can't wait for tonight.
MARGE: <OS> Maggie, time for dinner! Hurry up! It's porkchop night, and Homer has already started!
MAGGIE rushes downstairs.
Later, at midnight, MAGGIE is out again, vandalizing a Lard Lad donut shop.
MAGGIE: Now they can't say that they can't be graffitied!
VANDAL: Hey, little girl! Get movin'!
MAGGIE: Oops, sorry.
MAGGIE leaves, and a long line of VANDALS is revealed; waiting for their turn.
Cut to 5 AM, Lard Lad donut shop. CHIEF WIGGUM, LOU, and EDDIE are getting out of the squad car.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Ah, nothing like 25 grease laden pastrys to start my day, eh, boys?
LOU: You know I'm on a diet, chief.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Ha, ha, ha! "Diet"! That's funny! Why would you want one of those?
Lou looks at CHIEF WIGGUM's enormous belly.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Come on, before all the good ones are gone!
They go towards the shop, until WIGGUM sees the graffiti.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Hello, what's this? <Inspects graffiti more closely> Oh, dear God! Somebody defaced the most sacred building in town!
EDDIE: Are you ready to leave yet? Lard Lad is closed.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Not in my town. NOBODY is happy when a Lard Lad is defaced! Justice will be served!... And, pizza, too!
EDDIE: Does that involve work? Because if it does, I'm out.
CHIEF WIGGUM: <Looking through Magnifying glass> Ah ha! Our first clue! A pacifier necklace!
LOU: Hey, Chief, how'd you get that magnifying glass without going back to the car?
CHIEF WIGGUM: There will be answers to that later. I found another clue! A trail of footprints!
CHIEF WIGGUM follows the trail, not realizing that they are his own. He keeps running around in a circle several times. LOU walks up in front of CHIEF WIGGUM. He then stops, looking at Lou.
CHIEF WIGGUM: So, it was you all along, Lou! Cuff him, boys! <looks around> Oh, I guess you and Eddie are the only ones. Well, then, you're free to go.
LOU: <Sigh>...
Cut to breaktime at LISA's poetry class
LISA: <To Langdon> So, do you remember me?
LANGDON: No.
LISA: It's me! Lisa Simpson! Don't you remember me from 2nd grade? Well, you were in 3rd at the time, but, still, do you remember?
LANGDON: No.
LISA: I was always following you around...
LANGDON: Not much has changed.
LISA: Huh?
LANGDON: You still are.
LISA: <Embarrassed> Oh, heh, I guess I am. Sorry.
LISA leaves. Cut to The Fizz, LISA, ALLISON and JANEY are there again, LISA looks depressed.
LISA: Was I really following him around?
JANEY: I thought you didn't like him.
LISA: I don't... or at least, I don't think I do.
ALLISON: You still like him. I can tell. Why else would you do that?
LISA: Then what should I do?
JANEY: I dunno. What am I, a psyciatrist?
JANEY Leaves
LISA: Well, I at least want him to rememer me.
ALLISON: Why don't you show him something so he will remember?
LISA: Hmm, I did give him a rubik's cube once...
ALLISON: That's good. Show him one of those!
JANEY comes in, with a good sized amount of money in her hand.
JANEY: Can you beilieve that people just leave money on their table? Those suckers.
ALLISON: Janey! Those are the tips! You can't take those!
JANEY: Well, it's too late to return them now, isn't it?
Cut to dinner table; MAGGIe is glaring at HOMER
MARGE: Maggie, what's wrong? You seem upset.
MAGGIE: <Angrily> Why are you still here, Homer? Isn't your precious bowilng for donuts on?
HOMER: Nah, it's not on for another hour.
MAGGIE scowls at HOMER
MARGE: There is something wrong. What is it?
MAGGIE: Leave me alone. I'm going to my room.
MAGGIE leaves. Sad music plays in background.
Cut to that night, MAGGIE is vandalizing a fire hydrant; after she leaves, a dog comes to it, and starts looking very confused.
MAGGIE leaves. Sad music plays in background. Cut to MAGGIE's room. BART enters.
BART: Hey, Mags, what's wrong?
MAGGIE: <Crying> You know why I agreed to be a vandal?
BART: Uh, so you can follow in my footsteps?
MAGGIE: Hell, no!
BART: <Embarrassed> Oh. Then what?
MAGGIE: ... Dad hates me. He says he wishes I was never born.
BART: WHAT? Homer's a jerk, but he would never say something like that!
MAGGIE: Huh? <Sniff> what have you got against him?
Flashback to all the times HOMER strangled BART
BART: I'd rather not talk about it, now. But, I do think you should talk to Homer about this.
MAGGIE jumps up from her bed, and grabs her slingshot.
MAGGIE: NO! I WON'T!
MAGGIE shoots a lit smoke bomb in BART's mouth; BART pulls it out as fast as he can; while he is doing so, MAGGIE jumps out the window.
Cut to that night, MAGGIE is vandalizing a fire hydrant; after she leaves, a dog comes to it, and starts looking very confused. She then walks over to a wall, and spraypaints the words "Homer Sux" on the brick wall.
MAGGIE: There. That should do it. That'll show him.
Cut to Police station interrogation room. We do not see who CHIEF WIGGUM is interrogating.
CHIEF WIGGUM: We know that you know who's doing this. Or you know somebody that does. Or, have some remote connection to the crime.
Camera moves to reveal that CHIEF WIGGUM is interrogating a can of spraypaint.
CHIEF WIGGUM: He's not talkin', Eddie.
EDDIE: Just keep tryin'. He's bound to crack.
CHIEF WIGGUM: <Fires gun at paint can> Maybe this will teach you a lesson!
Paint sprays back at CHIEF WIGGUM through the bullethole.
CHIEF WIGGUM:Aww, that was my best shirt!
LOU: It has 16 spaghetti stains on it!
CHIEF WIGGUM: Your point being?
LOU: <Sigh> Let's face it. We're never going to solve this.
SNAKE: <OS> Hey, dudes, I know who did it. But, it will totally cost you.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Okay, you want the usual bribery pay?
SNAKE: Fork it over, piggy, and I'll tell you anything.
Cut to next morning, at LISA's Poetry class.
LISA: <With Rubik's Cube> Langdon, do you remember when I gave you one of these?
LANGDON: Who are you?
LISA gets angry, grabs LANGDON by his shirt, and rams him against the wall
LISA:MY NAME IS LISA SIMPSON!
LANGDON: Okay! Sorry! Just let me down!
She backs away from LANGDON
LANGDON: Heeeey, now I remember! Hi, Lisa.
LANGDON walks away, LISA follows
LISA: "Hi, Lisa"? That's it? After 8 years, that's all you have to say?
LAGDON: What do you want me to say?
LISA: Well, something a little more than a simple greeting!
LANGDON: Sorry, no can do.
LISA scowls angrily at LANGDON, and walks away
Cut to MAGGIE's room
MAGGIE: Ugh, No matter what I do, I can't stop hating Homer! Maybe I should go otu for one last defacing. The rest of the family won't be back for another half hour. And unless he has broken out, Robby is still at preschool. And, considering him, it's a 50 50 chance.
CHIEF WIGGUM busts in
CHIEF WIGGUM: Maggie Simpson, you're under arrest for... uh, what is it again?
LOU: Vandalisim of private property.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Well, there's no use repeating it, is there, Lou?
Cut to police station, they have
CHIEF WIGGUM: You're going away for a long time for the shooting of Mr. Burns!
EDDIE: That happened 8 years ago. She's no longer liable to be tried for that.
CHIEF WIGGUM: You've got a lot to learn about handling criminals, Eddie. Just stick by me. And, as for you, little vandal, you're going in the adult prison
cells.
Cut to Prison cell
CHIEF WIGGUM: Meet your new cellmate... Gina Vendetti
Camera moves to reveal a muscular Gina Vendetti punching a wall, apparently not getting hurt by it.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Gina Vendetti, meet Maggie Simpson, your cellmate.
GINA: Simpson? <Walks over to Maggie> Where have I heard that name?
<GINA has a flashback about when The Simpsons were with GINA in her Juvie cell. She remember's MAGGIE's pacifier, and then sees 9 year old MAGGIE's pacifier necklace.>
GINA: Oh, yeah... I remember you. Bart's sis.
MAGGIE appears confused
MAGGIE: How do you know me? I've never seen you before in my life!
GINA: Well, you were only a baby. Doubt you'd remember it.
MAGGIE: There's really no way you can prove it.
GINA: You're allowed 1 phone call, but they'll give you 2. I know that from experience. Maybe you should call him and ask.
MAGGIE:Well... okay. I'll call him.
MAGGIE dials a number on the prison payphone. Cut to splitscene; FLORA on one side, MAGGIE on the other.
FLORA: Simpson house, how may I hang up on your call?
MAGGIE: Flora, it's me!
FLORA: Mags, where are you? Mom's worried sick! Robby seems fine, but he never notices much.
MAGGIE: Is Bart there?
FLORA: First you gotta tell me where you are.
MAGGIE: No, I can't! Just let me talk to Bart!
FLORA: <Sigh> Fine. Whatever.
FLORA hands BART the phone
BART: Yo, this is Bart. If you're still calling about the old stereo, it was never for sale in the first place. I was joking, okay?
MAGGIE: Bart! I'm so glad you're here! Listen, something bad happened. <Takes deep breath>
IwasarrestedbecauseIspraypaintedthelardladdonutshopandChiefWiggumgotreallyangryandfoundmesonowI'minjailwiththisgirlGinaVendettiwhosaysthatsheknowsmefromalongtimeagobutIdon'tremembersonowI'mcallingyoutoaskyoutobailmeout! <Gasps For Breath> Yeah, <Pant> that's what happened.
BART: Hold on. First of all, since when does Chief Wiggum EVER get off his lazy butt? Second, what did you say that girl's name was?
MAGGIE: Gina Vendetti.
BART: GINA?! Let me talk to her! Please!
MAGGIE: Oh, so you DO know her.
BART: Yes, just give her the phone!
MAGGIE: No. If you want to talk to her, come down to the police station, and bail me out.
BART: D'oh! Okay. I'll be down in a few minutes.
10 minutes later BART arrives at police station
BART: Hey, I heard my sister, Maggie Simpson got arrested, so I'm going to pay the bail.
EDDIE: That'll be $30.
BART: Um, I don't have $30 right now, so how about $6.39, and a pair of socks?
EDDIE: Hot damn! New socks! Okay, she's free to go.
Cut to prison cell
MAGGIE: Thanks for coming Bart!
GINA: So, you came. Remember me, Bart?
BART: Wow, it's really you, Gina. Where have you been?
GINA: Prison. 20 year punishment.
BART: What did you do THIS time?
GINA: I went back to Disneyland to finish the job. Luckily, I was only charged for level 3 murder.
BART: You consider that lucky?
GINA: Could be worse.
MAGGIE: <OS> Ahem...
MAGGIE is getting impatient.
BART: Oh, sorry Maggie.
MAGGIE is let out of the cell.
BART: I hope I'll see you soon, Gina.
GINA: Don't count on it.
BART and MAGGIE walk out, cut to Simpson house.
MARGE: Maggie, why did you do this? I always knew you would do something like this, but I hoped I was wrong.
MAGGIE: I'm not sorry. I heard you talking a few nights ago.
HOMER: If it was the talk I think it was, I know a little discussion I won't have to have with you later.
MAGGIE: Eww, not that one... besides, I already know about that. I was talking about when you wished I was never born.
HOMER: Oh, that one. Well, now that that's over and done, let's have lunch.
MARGE: Homer! Get back here! Our daughter has a serious problem!
HOMER trudges back to his chair.
MARGE: Say you're sorry.
HOMER: Okay, fine. I'm sorry. There. Can I go get lunch, now?
MAGGIE: You didn't mean that!
HOMER: Well, what do you want me to say?
MAGGIE: You really don't care, do you? You don't love me at all.
MAGGIE walks out of the room, crying.
Cut to MAGGIE's room, HOMER comes in
HOMER: Can I come in, Maggie?
MAGGIE: You're already inside. It really doesn't matter.
HOMER: Okay, that's good.
MAGGIE: Why?
HOMER: What?
MAGGIE: Why don't you care about me?
HOMER: Maggie, I care about you! If I didn't, you would have died a long time ago!
MAGGIE: <Sarcastically> Well, THAT'S comforting.
HOMER: Listen, I said I was sorry, isn't that enough?
MAGGIE: No. You could keep saying it forever, but if you aren't serious, it won't mean anything.
HOMER: So that's it, huh? I've lost my sweet little daughter forever. Maggie, you know I love you, and I always will. I just said that... well, because I'm an idiot. I never meant to say those things, you know that. I guess I'm wasting my time being here, now. I'll just leave.
HOMER walks sadly towards the door.
MAGGIE: <OS> Dad...
HOMER turns his head
MAGGIE: ...I forgive you.
HOMER: Woo Hoo! Yes! Yes! Yes!
MAGGIE lets out a small giggle
Cut to Courtroom, the next day.
MARGE: It's amazing how many times we've been here.
FLORA: Yeah, they've given us a private parking space!
MARGE: Hrrmmm... Well, THAT was a little insulting.
SNYDER: <Bangs Gavel> Order! Now, let's hurry this up. I have a therapy session in an hour. Now proceeding to the case of Miss Margret Simpson, charged with Vandalisim 1. How do you plead?
HUTZ: Hello, I'm Lionel Hutz, her lawyer, and I'll field that question!
SNYDER: Is that a bottle of Bourbon you're holding?
HUTZ No! <Weakly> It's scotch.
MAGGIE: Um, your honor, I plead... guilty.
Everyone gasps
HUTZ: <Whispering to Maggie> What are you doing?
MAGGIE: <Whispering> Don't worry. I have a plan. Just ride out the rest of the case.
Later; BART is a witness at the stand
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: Well, I see no point in this; she has already called herself guilty, but anyways, Bart, you've known your sister all your life, correct?
BART: <Has feet up on podium, laying back> Yeah, of course.
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: Has she ever proved to be a torublemaker?
BART: Yeah, tons of times!
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: Even to the extent of defacement of private public property?
BART: Probably.
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: Bartholemew, take your feet off the stand.
BART: <Takes feet off podium> Sorry.
Later; ROBBY is at the stand as a witness
HUTZ: Is it true that you never witnessed your sister doing wrong?
ROBBY: No.
HUTZ: <Nervous> Oh. Well, I'm out of ideas.
The BLUE HAIRED LAWYER comes up to ROBBY
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: Robert, what exactly do you think would start your sister doing this?
ROBBY: Don't I have the right to remain silent?
BLUE HAIRED LAWYER: <Cringes> Why are they teaching these things so early in school thse days?
Cut to later, near the end of the trial
SNYDER: Will the jury please come to a verdict?
MAGGIE: May I say something first?
SNYDER: Go ahead. As long as I'm here, it keeps me away from my wife.
MAGGIE: Thank you. Unlike most people, I will admit that I did wrong. Yet, I still feel no shame for it. I was only expressing art. Sure, it may have been through a semi destructive way, but it is still art. If people don't express themselves, they will just bottle up everything inside, and that is NOT a good thing. I vandalized things so I could do just that; express myself. And if you feel you should take that away, then shame on you.
At jury; they have all huddled around, whispering.
JURY MEMBER 1: I donated money to the Springfield cultural society! I don't want to look like a hipocriate!
JURY MEMBER 2: I have a painting in the art museum!
The jury gives JUDGE SNYDER a card
SNYDER: This isn't the verdict! It's a little comic doodle! When will people learn that you can't get through life drawing stupid cartoons?
A giant hand with a pencil (possily MATT GROENING) comes down with a big eraser, and erases JUDGE SNYDER
MAGGIE: Uh, so this means I can go?
JURY MEMBER 1: Sure. I guess.
Cut back to Simpson house, living room. BART and MAGGIE are there.
BART: Hey, Mags. Let's celebrate.
BART Dials a number on the phone, cut to MOE's Tavern.
MOE: Moe's Tavern, Home of the all you can eat bar peanuts.
BART: <OP> Hi, is a Mr. O'Brain there? First name, Ivan.
MOE: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, Ivan O'Brain? Does anyone know Ivan O'Brain? (What it shoud sound like: I have no brain)
Everybody laughs
MOE: You're still tormentin' me, you freakin' little runt! Once I find you, I'm gonna rip out your stomach, and make you eat what's inside it again!
Cut back to Living Room, BART and MAGGIE are laughing hysterically.
HOMER: Bart, Maggie, dinner's ready!
MAGGIE: Really? That was quick.
HOMER: Actually, Marge wanted me to make dinner, so I just warmed up some pop tarts.
Cut to dinner table
HOMER: Well, it was great we got through that one alive. Promise that you'll never pull a stunt like that again!
MAGGIE: Don't worry, dad. I won't. Now, I have to go to my room, and finish my homework.
Cut to BART's room, MAGGIE checks to see if nobody is looking, then goes over to the closet, opens it, and takes out a can of spraypaint.
MAGGIE: What a sap.
THE END
