Jaws Wired Shut
Season
13
Production Code
DABF05
Episode Number
0
Airdate
27 January 2002
Writer
Matt Selman
Director
Nancy Kruse
Executive Producer
Al Jean
Editor
Jimmy Heenan
Plot While the Simpsons are relaxing outside their home, the Springfield gay pride parade passes by. Many gay-themed floats pass by, including one with gay dogs, which intrigues Santa's Little Helper, but upsets Homer. He drags his family (and Santa's Little Helper) away and they go to the Springfield Googolplex to see the movie Shenani-Goats.

Due to the number of commercials, public service announcements, and movie trailers preceding the movie, Homer grows impatient and jumps up in front of the screen chanting, "Start the movie!" to the approval of the audience (excluding Marge and Lisa). Bart incites his rage further. The ushers, fearing that this situation could spiral out of control, attack Homer with giant Kit Kats. Homer runs, pursued by the candy-packing ushers. At the park, Mayor Quimby is inaugurating a large metal statue of boxer Drederick Tatum. Homer, turning his head to taunt the ushers, runs into the statue's metal fist, which hits him squarely in the jaw. He hits the ground, crying in pain.

At the Springfield General Hospital, Dr. Hibbert wires Homer's broken jaw shut, saying that he will not be able to speak or eat solid food for a while. At home, unable to eat a steak, Homer tries pushing it up his nose, but ends up feeling more woozy than satisfied. Bart takes advantage of Homer's problem by asking if he had any verbal objection to his using Milhouse as a human yo-yo. At Moe's, Duffman arrives for the Duff Trivia Challenge. Whoever answers the question "What beverage, brewed since ancient times, is made from hops and grains?" wins a lifetime supply of Duff Beer. Homer knows but is unable to answer. The other barflies and Moe are too dumb or drunk to answer. Homer is grief-stricken at the thought of having lost the chance of a lifetime supply of Duff.

Homer starts using a small chalkboard to communicate with his family. That night, in bed with Marge, he writes "How was your day?" on the chalkboard. Pleasantly surprised at Homer's attention, she tells him how she doesn't like Ned Flanders for wanting to ban culottes from the school, which makes Homer love her more. The next day, when Lisa comes home angry, she finds an attentive ear in Homer and gets a hug from him (although it's only to "cork her cry-hole"). Bart also confides in Homer about his negative feelings about being the class clown. Homer even listens to Grampa's rambling stories.

Marge decides that, since Homer is so well-behaved, they can risk going to the Springfield formal ball at the Country Club. Apparently last year's dance didn't go well, with Homer and a donkey knocking down the cake. At the ball, he is rewarded by an impressed Mr. Burns, who thinks that Homer has identified the music as being from Southern Hungary, when Homer actually wrote "So hungry" on his chalkboard. Homer is complimented for not having laughed at an aristocrat's crazy eye, and for passing on the appetizers. They get invited to have dinner with a socialite, and Homer even passes up an opportunity to horse around with the donkey. As they dance, Marge is ecstatic that Homer did not ruin this magical evening. Dr. Hibbert then informs Homer that he can remove the jaw wires the next day. Though Homer is happy, Marge is not.

The next day, the jaw wires come off. At Moe's, Homer tells Lenny and Carl about the virtues of just listening. They try it and hear Moe, in the backroom, trying to arrange for an escort. Lindsey Naegle, now a guest booker for the talk show "Afternoon Yak", invites Homer and Marge to the show. During the innuendo-filled show, Marge, with the support of the hosts, pleads with Homer to stop his "rascally ways". Despite the temptation of the upcoming Demolition Derby, Homer decides to do it for her sake.

The next day, Marge comes home to a clean house, just the way she left it. However, she hears Homer declare that he's going to kill Bart. When she investigates, she finds that he is rehearsing a play with Bart. Homer even starts to drink milk, instead of his usual beer, and goes to sleep earlier than usual. All this peace and quiet has an effect on Marge: she starts going crazy with boredom. The demolition derby form flies into her hand, and she decides to give it a try. When she leaves, Homer wakes up and finds Marge is gone and so is the demolition derby form. He puts two and two together, and heads off to the derby, with the kids in tow.

At the derby, Marge, wearing a safety helmet, smashes her station-wagon into another car and feels good about it. All her good feelings go away when a large black SUV crashes into the station wagon. Homer and the kids arrive and see Marge in trouble. Homer has no idea how to save his wife, as he has given up being reckless. Bart comes up with an idea and calls for a beer can from a vendor. He opens it, Popeye-style, by squeezing it until its contents burst out and fall into Homer's open mouth. Homer, speaking with a Popeye accent, declares he is going to save his wife. He rides the mischievous donkey from the ball into the arena. Marge spots Homer and starts gesturing wildly (like Olive Oyl in distress) towards him. The donkey stops, exhausted, and Homer feels that he needs "some fuel for his mule; some gas for his ass". He feeds the donkey beer, energizing it for a second, but putting it to sleep immediately after.

Determined to save Marge, Homer runs over to the station wagon and pulls Marge to safety just before the black SUV delivers another crushing blow. Marge, relieved to be alive, decides that though the family needs a live wire, it's not her. Homer comforts her by saying that she's a good wet blanket, the kind he likes wrapped around him. They leave the derby and go home.

The derby announcers quickly recap the episode's highlights and end the show.
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